I dunno, I'd let a few wild horses drag me away

The character that I am performing today is someone who could somehow get through this work day.

Stop calling me an amateur. I've been doing this for decades. I'm incompetent.

I’ve yet to talk to anyone in this ball pit with a coherent world view.

*tucks away back in my shell

I'm pretty laid back unless I hear a phone ring more than once

Revenge is best served at the Red Robin in Temecula.

My first job was elevator phone answerer and most people get stuck because they just want someone to talk to, to tell them it's okay to go up through the trapdoor

Playing along to the sound of your heart with my didgeridoo.

Friend: I really hate to bring this up when you’re already stressed but— Me: *cute head tilt like a velociraptor*

*wakes up* ok that’s enough

[me, just existing] well, this is embarrassing

*knowing that I am in no way up to the task* I got this.

We had joy, we had fun Setting phasers now to stun

"Oh my goodness, cat, you are so perfect and handsome," I say aloud to us both, breaking the news to no one.

Babe. I just rly wanna escape to somewhere less forsaken

I'm in your spreadsheet correcting your formulas

the sinking ship with my name on it

I'd rather take my chances in a Disco Inferno than in Dante's Inferno.

gossip is the most boring thing ever invented

A few minutes away from myself would be nice.

if i had to do it all over again i’d eat more tacos

Definitely should have brought my wearable blanket to this soiree.

I worry about couples who wear matching shirts, like blink twice if you need help

there’s no way this is the same brain i used to remember phone numbers with

I keep losing track of who's on to me.

Being a live wire sounds like a lot.

turtleneck sweatpants

I am particularly susceptible to song lyrics.

Besides, *vague gesture* supper is like, hours away. Anything could happen. This is 2026. Zombies. Killer giant ants. Aliens. Who knows if they can even cook.