I was shoooting for eloquence, but settled on unhinged.

I have the face of a much saner person.

I just need to say that convincing someone that your crazy ass is emotionally stable is also catfishing.

Her: Why do you keep falling in love when you end up getting hurt? Me: Ever get an ice cream headache? Her: Of course. Me: Did you stop eating ice cream?

explain it to me in a gibberish that i can understand

I wish I was as good at anything as I am at talking myself into drinking

As I get older and injure myself more and more, I wish I had paid attention to first-aid in class instead of writing shit in Metallica font on notebook covers

being alive should not be so expensive

Am I a shit poster if all my posts are actually shit?

Not unlike cigarettes, each work meeting reduces life expectancy by an average of 20 minutes.

Thinking about stuff I should be doing. Sometimes that’s better than actually doing the stuff.

I can’t be the only person who feels like I’m being held hostage when I answer a phone call

I would give you the secret code to my treehouse

The sea was angry that day, my friends—like a gull trying to get the last french fry from a McDonald’s parking lot bag.

an old lady at the store pulled out a checkbook to pay and my daughter intently studied her and now i know what it must have been like to witness jane goodall studying the chimps

with the advent of AI data centers, I have finally stopped being the biggest waste of everyone's time and resources

slipping into something more comfortable (a new dimension)

“Is that real?” I ask, pointing at everything.

Find you someone that loves you like my cat loves walking past 3 scratching posts to work her claws on the couch

nurturing random indignation

I’m permeable and temporary, what else do you want?

gonna start wearing a cup because of my cat

Everything is terrible but at least i have a lot clothes that i hate

she could be a little possessive sometimes, like an apostrophe

Everyday I still wake up hoping that one of these days I’ll open my eyes and be in a different timeline and realize that I just dreamed up people just accepting shitty propaganda tv hosts and some wanker tech bros ruining the world. And everyday I’m like bitch manifest harder.

Sometimes you have to disappoint others to live a life that is true to you

Laughing at my expense is still free and strongly encouraged.

Having a crush on your teacher is totally normal unless you’re homeschooled.

Nobody really wants to be the winner of the, "who had it worse growing up" competition...nobody.

I’m gonna start wearing my microwave plate on a chain around my neck.